I have wished my daughter wasn’t gay, for several reasons, some of them selfish, totally. I wanted the “normal,” future, she meets a guy, they marry, have kids and make me a grandma and her really happy.
That’s not exactly what is going to happen, only she has promised me I will have grandchildren: I really, really, really want grandchildren and if my daughter’s partner is as good of a person as my daughter is, then all will be well and those will be some lucky kids.
But one of the biggest reasons I wish my daughter wasn’t gay is the most recent example, of that poor young man who jumped from the George Washington Bridge after his roommate and his roommate’s female friend, posted on the Internet a video of him having sex with another man.
First just let me say how grateful I am that my daughter is not like that roommate or his friend. I would be far more distressed if I had a daughter who thought it was cool to humiliate, degrade, torture and bully another human being; one who had done nothing to them at all, nothing to merit their dislike or their attitude that he was less than a human being, just for being different from her.
Thank God my daughter is not like those kids. I’d far rather have a gay daughter who is compassionate, kind, sincere, considerate, loving and sensitive than a hater like those two. Now that would break my heart. It would be similar to how some of those mothers’ whose children kill people, sell drugs, rob people, burglarize businesses and homes, must feel.
I know my daughter, she’s pretty strong and she’s older so she’s not as likely to fall prey to what this young man did. She’s already come out to the people who matter most to her, so it’s not like she’s prey to being “outted” before she’s ready.
But this type of hate crime can do so much damage to young people. Tyler Clementi is an extreme example: he killed himself. But I wonder if more damage is actually done to those who do not kill themselves. I know Tyler’s family would disagree with me and I understand. But whom I’m thinking of are those young people who carry that pain, rejection and hurt around with them. How does that affect them and their ability to grow into healthy, adjusted adults? It’s hard enough being gay, even in this day and age without someone sowing the seeds of self-hate into gay young people. What will become of them in their struggle to find their place in this world, something we all go through, only as the straight ones – kind of like white people in the day – have a leg up with their sometimes subconscious belief that they are okay, superior even to those who are not like them. Whites who got the jobs over blacks because their dads were frat brothers or just because the manager doesn’t like black people. Never was that stuff said aloud but it is how people lie to themselves to avoid confronting the truth of it.
There is so much going on the world, starving children, war, poverty and here in America, the worst recession since the Great Depression. We have people out of work losing their homes and their health because of lack a job with health care. People are losing their way of life; they are losing their belief in their right to live because they do not have a job, which for most is what identified them as who they were.
And in the midst of all this, we are fixated on who is sleeping with whom, in the privacy of their own bedrooms? Maybe that’s why people are obsessed with that stuff, to keep them from thinking about their own problems.
But come on, isn’t that what America is about? Isn’t that what people (gay people, too) died for? So that Americans can live their lives the way they think they should live it, and their privacy to do so remain sacrosanct?
I shake my head and shed a tear.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
September 8, 2010
Well, well, well. A glance over the last entry certainly makes the contrast of this one really striking. So positive, I was writing in green the last time and now I'm so weighed down by family matters that I chose purple to keep from being too black.
My father had gone crazy and I was trying to help him and his "Anna Nicole," a 50-years younger "driver," called his sister and has his family turned against me. I've been a member of the family for more than 50 years, my dad's sisters met this girl one time, and suddenly, I'm the evil daughter trying to hurt my father. I truly don't get it. I have cared for him without compensation, didn't ask for it, didn't want it, and Anna Nicole, all while claiming to be caring for my dad like a granddaughter, was bilking him of money, playing on his new found feelings for her; he's 85 and he told me she woke him up sexually for the first time in 30 years, so she was getting around $5,000 a month for working three days a week, she's the one they back. But oddly enough, by backing her, they got into his will. By backing me, he had left them entirely out of his will. Coincidence? In the last 10 plus years, the sisters have come up once a year about every other year. I slept in chairs setting up at the hospital after my father had arterior gram and pace maker insert. they didn't come up to visit him.
Money does make people do strange things. Anna Nicole swears she did not have relations with my dad. he swears that they did.
she has a boyfriend. she's bold as brass, taking (my dad's) money, telling me one thing, him another. she manipulated him into buying a brand new $54,000 BMW, he hasn't driven in five years, he's blind. he believes her and she knows it. it's like Larry from work. He laughed at the boss behind his back, knowing full well the rest of us were too afraid to tell the truth and if we did, the boss wouldn't believe us, he'd believe larry. some people are too smart for their own good.
Anyway, I've filed a legal claim to manage dad's affairs. But before I even did that, Anna nicole talked him into writing a new will, completely cutting me out, leaving rachael $12,000, and dividing the rest of it between her and the sisters. Martha knew that, and that she had been made executor of the will when she was talking to me about the whole situation last Sunday. Talking about family, trust and honesty and she's sitting there, lying to my face. And her husband is a preacher, she's a big church goer. Isn't that always the way it is?
Well, well, well. A glance over the last entry certainly makes the contrast of this one really striking. So positive, I was writing in green the last time and now I'm so weighed down by family matters that I chose purple to keep from being too black.
My father had gone crazy and I was trying to help him and his "Anna Nicole," a 50-years younger "driver," called his sister and has his family turned against me. I've been a member of the family for more than 50 years, my dad's sisters met this girl one time, and suddenly, I'm the evil daughter trying to hurt my father. I truly don't get it. I have cared for him without compensation, didn't ask for it, didn't want it, and Anna Nicole, all while claiming to be caring for my dad like a granddaughter, was bilking him of money, playing on his new found feelings for her; he's 85 and he told me she woke him up sexually for the first time in 30 years, so she was getting around $5,000 a month for working three days a week, she's the one they back. But oddly enough, by backing her, they got into his will. By backing me, he had left them entirely out of his will. Coincidence? In the last 10 plus years, the sisters have come up once a year about every other year. I slept in chairs setting up at the hospital after my father had arterior gram and pace maker insert. they didn't come up to visit him.
Money does make people do strange things. Anna Nicole swears she did not have relations with my dad. he swears that they did.
she has a boyfriend. she's bold as brass, taking (my dad's) money, telling me one thing, him another. she manipulated him into buying a brand new $54,000 BMW, he hasn't driven in five years, he's blind. he believes her and she knows it. it's like Larry from work. He laughed at the boss behind his back, knowing full well the rest of us were too afraid to tell the truth and if we did, the boss wouldn't believe us, he'd believe larry. some people are too smart for their own good.
Anyway, I've filed a legal claim to manage dad's affairs. But before I even did that, Anna nicole talked him into writing a new will, completely cutting me out, leaving rachael $12,000, and dividing the rest of it between her and the sisters. Martha knew that, and that she had been made executor of the will when she was talking to me about the whole situation last Sunday. Talking about family, trust and honesty and she's sitting there, lying to my face. And her husband is a preacher, she's a big church goer. Isn't that always the way it is?
Friday, July 09, 2010
I'm doing something positive today so I selected green as my font color. Green is the new word that means "cool," phat, bitching, and there are more updated terms that I cannot recall and I don't want to wait for my brain to search the files and retrieve them. Sadly, the search engine operating my file system has slowed considerably and I don't think any amount of defragging is going to fix it. So live with it, I will.
I'm working to get a widget on my blog that will allow people to post problems they see around the North Chattanooga neighborhood. Those will then be sent to appropriate city folks and we'll see what kind of response happens.
I haven't blogged in a while, I've been writing in my offline journal because it's been stuff I haven't wanted to share with my ones of ones readers. I just read an article on AOL this morning about protecting my privacy and I had to scoff. One, I've been searching the Internet to find out info about these stranger women my elderly, blind and deaf father has been letting in his home, unbeknownst to me until recently. And I cannot find crap about any of the women whose names I enter. Some i know are legit names, others not so sure about. But I find it ironic that all this hulaboo about so much info available on the net and I can't find it. My boyfriend says it's operator error and that always pisses me off, for sure.
Speaking of boyfriends. We've passed the one year mark and nothing much really happened. He gave me a hard time because as the female I'm supposed to remember all that stuff about the first date and such. Guess I'm not too sentimental.
Unlike his last girl friend, who they apparently sent each other anniversary cards and Easter cards and flag day cards and god knows what other calendar event. Hallmark probably lowered its flag to half mast when that couple broke up. :)
He took me to meet his mother's side of the family on July 4. Apparently this is was a big deal, and this week we are going to an event for the dad's side of the family. I've met them, at a thanksgiving event last November.
Our first rough spot had to do with the ex, apparently they cut their fingers, and become blood brother/sister and swore pinky swore to be best friends for life when they broke up. I'm surprised she didn't make him wear those half heart necklaces that friends wear (maybe lovers too) to show that they are not whole without each other. Oh by the way, she's 31 now. I know readers, all zero of you, must have been thinking she was 16. (I think she might have been when he met her.)
But she didn't know he was dating and he didn't want to let her know, he thought she might hurt herself if she found it out. For a while there, it felt like we were sneaking around on her!
But I finally pitched such a fit and face book helped me, and she found out. and lord, lord, she cried, she made this dramatic speech about how she wanted to come visit the dogs they had together and then she had a letter she would leave for him, he didn't need to be there. Of course, that freaked him, and it got taken care of. But then she kept texting him, randomly, about things like what should I mix my whey protein with, water or milk? Or, she has coupons for pet food, what does he want her to do with them? (I know what I want her do with them) she sent a text wanting her computer and printer back, then a suitcase, then would he feed her animals when she was out of town, then getting mad when he told her his new girlfriend is not down with the ex calling and sending texts so much. She flips out, saying he if can't stand up for their friendship, she doesn't need him in her life and she's coming to get all the shit she has left in his house, and there is a shit load of it, been there going on two years! He may be getting over her, in fact I think he's over her, just not the relationship. I told him I didn't want to be the rebound girl and he assured me I wasn't. But I'm thinking I'm the rebound relationship. He's thinking about relationships, what he wants from them, yada, yada, so I guess I'm the "practice run."
And that kind of hurts. I did ask him about this at the beginning, he assured me no. I allowed my feelings for him to grow and now here I am, a year in with a guy I"m crazy about but who's not so sure about me.
I gotta remember the old song, "I'm gonna harden my heart, I"m gonna swallow my tears."
keep that motto in mind.
but i am digressing about the original reason to start this post. I'm putting a link to lead to a site to report problems in north chatt, like dumping of trash, abandoned cars, stuff like that. we'll see how it works!
I'm working to get a widget on my blog that will allow people to post problems they see around the North Chattanooga neighborhood. Those will then be sent to appropriate city folks and we'll see what kind of response happens.
I haven't blogged in a while, I've been writing in my offline journal because it's been stuff I haven't wanted to share with my ones of ones readers. I just read an article on AOL this morning about protecting my privacy and I had to scoff. One, I've been searching the Internet to find out info about these stranger women my elderly, blind and deaf father has been letting in his home, unbeknownst to me until recently. And I cannot find crap about any of the women whose names I enter. Some i know are legit names, others not so sure about. But I find it ironic that all this hulaboo about so much info available on the net and I can't find it. My boyfriend says it's operator error and that always pisses me off, for sure.
Speaking of boyfriends. We've passed the one year mark and nothing much really happened. He gave me a hard time because as the female I'm supposed to remember all that stuff about the first date and such. Guess I'm not too sentimental.
Unlike his last girl friend, who they apparently sent each other anniversary cards and Easter cards and flag day cards and god knows what other calendar event. Hallmark probably lowered its flag to half mast when that couple broke up. :)
He took me to meet his mother's side of the family on July 4. Apparently this is was a big deal, and this week we are going to an event for the dad's side of the family. I've met them, at a thanksgiving event last November.
Our first rough spot had to do with the ex, apparently they cut their fingers, and become blood brother/sister and swore pinky swore to be best friends for life when they broke up. I'm surprised she didn't make him wear those half heart necklaces that friends wear (maybe lovers too) to show that they are not whole without each other. Oh by the way, she's 31 now. I know readers, all zero of you, must have been thinking she was 16. (I think she might have been when he met her.)
But she didn't know he was dating and he didn't want to let her know, he thought she might hurt herself if she found it out. For a while there, it felt like we were sneaking around on her!
But I finally pitched such a fit and face book helped me, and she found out. and lord, lord, she cried, she made this dramatic speech about how she wanted to come visit the dogs they had together and then she had a letter she would leave for him, he didn't need to be there. Of course, that freaked him, and it got taken care of. But then she kept texting him, randomly, about things like what should I mix my whey protein with, water or milk? Or, she has coupons for pet food, what does he want her to do with them? (I know what I want her do with them) she sent a text wanting her computer and printer back, then a suitcase, then would he feed her animals when she was out of town, then getting mad when he told her his new girlfriend is not down with the ex calling and sending texts so much. She flips out, saying he if can't stand up for their friendship, she doesn't need him in her life and she's coming to get all the shit she has left in his house, and there is a shit load of it, been there going on two years! He may be getting over her, in fact I think he's over her, just not the relationship. I told him I didn't want to be the rebound girl and he assured me I wasn't. But I'm thinking I'm the rebound relationship. He's thinking about relationships, what he wants from them, yada, yada, so I guess I'm the "practice run."
And that kind of hurts. I did ask him about this at the beginning, he assured me no. I allowed my feelings for him to grow and now here I am, a year in with a guy I"m crazy about but who's not so sure about me.
I gotta remember the old song, "I'm gonna harden my heart, I"m gonna swallow my tears."
keep that motto in mind.
but i am digressing about the original reason to start this post. I'm putting a link to lead to a site to report problems in north chatt, like dumping of trash, abandoned cars, stuff like that. we'll see how it works!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Justified Official Website | Only on FX - Tuesdays 10
Justified Official Website | Only on FX - Tuesdays 10
My latest blog entry is a link to a TV show. Huh, fancy that. But I do fancy that hunk that plays u.s. marshal raylan givens, played by timothy olyphant, whew whee! that southern drawl, I'm from the south and I do love, bout as much as some outsiders do, that lanky frame, those long arms, cute little grin, cowboy hat and boots.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, my gosh, as Usher says.
Hadn't felt much like blogging cause I've been having a bumpy time with my true love and I didn't want the hairy details floating in the soupy web of the net. don't like baring my neck to the unknown.
It's been unseasonably cold here in this part of May in Chattanooga. It's May 10. Last weekend was Mother's day and my daughter's birthday. big weekend, didn't see my daughter. did hear from her and i did visit her on tuesday, so i guess, it's okay. I know she loves me, but i worry cause i know she doesn't come cause she starts drinking with her buds and then she doesn't want to shop up buzzed. can't say as I blame her.
But I"ll write more, after all, it ain't like I got something better to do. :)
Anyway, for all of my millions of fans out there, watch this show if you got the TV channel, if not, you must have a computer, so watch it there.
You're gonna love him, er, it!
My latest blog entry is a link to a TV show. Huh, fancy that. But I do fancy that hunk that plays u.s. marshal raylan givens, played by timothy olyphant, whew whee! that southern drawl, I'm from the south and I do love, bout as much as some outsiders do, that lanky frame, those long arms, cute little grin, cowboy hat and boots.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, my gosh, as Usher says.
Hadn't felt much like blogging cause I've been having a bumpy time with my true love and I didn't want the hairy details floating in the soupy web of the net. don't like baring my neck to the unknown.
It's been unseasonably cold here in this part of May in Chattanooga. It's May 10. Last weekend was Mother's day and my daughter's birthday. big weekend, didn't see my daughter. did hear from her and i did visit her on tuesday, so i guess, it's okay. I know she loves me, but i worry cause i know she doesn't come cause she starts drinking with her buds and then she doesn't want to shop up buzzed. can't say as I blame her.
But I"ll write more, after all, it ain't like I got something better to do. :)
Anyway, for all of my millions of fans out there, watch this show if you got the TV channel, if not, you must have a computer, so watch it there.
You're gonna love him, er, it!
Friday, December 04, 2009
December 5, 2009
Well as this year draws to a close it is preparing its exit by leaving a smile on my face and in my heart. Despite the setbacks, it's been a great year with blessings galore that I don't know would have been possible or perhaps I would not have been able to recognize them enough to appreciate them without going through the setbacks I've experienced.
It's all been personal, too. Nothing financial or material, although those things have come my way enough to allow me to live comfortably during my job search. But this has almost been a sabbatical. I've done some volunteer work, some professional writing and personal writing, started studying Spanish and spent more time improving my tech skills. I've gotten to spend meaningful time with family and friends. I'm in a personal relationship that has been full of surprises, laughter, passion and joy. It's one of the blessings that I might not have realized had I a full time job with the attendant stress that would have made it difficult for me to be thoughtful about the relationship and the person.
I've gotten to do some things and talk to some people about issues that previously I was restrained due to the nature of my profession. I still have opportunities in that regard which I think will be huge fun and really get me involved in my community and activism.
One of the greatest things was the two-week trip that my daughter and I took to Australia! OMG! It was super, stupendous, marvelous, wonderful, awesome, way cool! The two of us began to plan this trip around this time last year. Then when I was laid off in April 2008, I told my daughter that I probably should not spend that kind of money. She want away and then came back in about two weeks and said, "I can do this, mom, and I'm going to. There's no one else in the world that I would want to go to Australia with, much less, take, so I want to do this. You've done so much for me. I know you feel weird but just get over it."
It was great. We had so much fun together, as we usually do when we travel. There were a few tense moments but we worked them out, another great part of our relationship; we can work out stuff.
She fell in love with the place and is exploring the possibility of returning there to work as a nurse. She just loved Carins and while I would miss the hell out of her, I guess if she goes, she goes. If she decides to stay, I'm going with her. but if she is just visiting or living for a short time, like six months maybe, I'll handle it and it would be a great reason to get back on a plane for another 15 hours (shout out to Klonopin sp? for helping me make the trip in an unconscious state).
Oddly enough, as broke as I am, I've done more traveling this year than I have in years, probably 20 years. I'm getting ready to go to Vegas at the end of the month for my second trip to that wild city. My "relationship," is taking me back. We had a great time together when we went in October and he wants to go back. He loves Vegas, has been 23 times, so he wants to go. And since we are seeing each other and having a good time, he wants to go with me.
I really like this guy. Of course he's very different from me, which in a way is good, but we do differ on some important issues (politics Geo Bush versus anyone with a D in front of their name). But we've avoided serious conflict and I like him so much that I can cope with these things. After all look at those two famous political speech writer/campaign workers from opposite camps that are happily (we think) married, look at Shawn k-Lee and John Lee, definitely happily married and also differing in the same way, and there was another couple that popped into my mind but popped out now, I know it will come back. Besides, I'm not planning on marriage. Right now I'm just happy to be in such a good relationship. He's really generous, sweet, kind, thoughtful, sexy, a hottie, funny, and intelligent. It's just a blessing at this stage of life to get all of that in one package. So what if he's misguided in his politics. I can live with it.
I'm getting in pretty good shape, again at this stage in my life, and people are commenting on how I look. I think being in love has a lot to do with it; if you are happy it shows and makes you look better. I think how I feel has a lot to do with how I look.
I feel great, most of the time.
I believe that I'm going to have a job starting next year, even one that I'll be relatively happy at, and I think my life will move forward.
My relationship is planning future events, such as being glad that his swat trip to FBI headquarters has been changed from Valentine's day to another week. He's already assuming that we will be together and that he'd rather be with me than SWAT, LOL. thank goodness he prefers me to the police for the holiday :) I like that he's planning and assuming that we will be together. It makes me feel good.
Back to work on my story for the Pulse.
Well as this year draws to a close it is preparing its exit by leaving a smile on my face and in my heart. Despite the setbacks, it's been a great year with blessings galore that I don't know would have been possible or perhaps I would not have been able to recognize them enough to appreciate them without going through the setbacks I've experienced.
It's all been personal, too. Nothing financial or material, although those things have come my way enough to allow me to live comfortably during my job search. But this has almost been a sabbatical. I've done some volunteer work, some professional writing and personal writing, started studying Spanish and spent more time improving my tech skills. I've gotten to spend meaningful time with family and friends. I'm in a personal relationship that has been full of surprises, laughter, passion and joy. It's one of the blessings that I might not have realized had I a full time job with the attendant stress that would have made it difficult for me to be thoughtful about the relationship and the person.
I've gotten to do some things and talk to some people about issues that previously I was restrained due to the nature of my profession. I still have opportunities in that regard which I think will be huge fun and really get me involved in my community and activism.
One of the greatest things was the two-week trip that my daughter and I took to Australia! OMG! It was super, stupendous, marvelous, wonderful, awesome, way cool! The two of us began to plan this trip around this time last year. Then when I was laid off in April 2008, I told my daughter that I probably should not spend that kind of money. She want away and then came back in about two weeks and said, "I can do this, mom, and I'm going to. There's no one else in the world that I would want to go to Australia with, much less, take, so I want to do this. You've done so much for me. I know you feel weird but just get over it."
It was great. We had so much fun together, as we usually do when we travel. There were a few tense moments but we worked them out, another great part of our relationship; we can work out stuff.
She fell in love with the place and is exploring the possibility of returning there to work as a nurse. She just loved Carins and while I would miss the hell out of her, I guess if she goes, she goes. If she decides to stay, I'm going with her. but if she is just visiting or living for a short time, like six months maybe, I'll handle it and it would be a great reason to get back on a plane for another 15 hours (shout out to Klonopin sp? for helping me make the trip in an unconscious state).
Oddly enough, as broke as I am, I've done more traveling this year than I have in years, probably 20 years. I'm getting ready to go to Vegas at the end of the month for my second trip to that wild city. My "relationship," is taking me back. We had a great time together when we went in October and he wants to go back. He loves Vegas, has been 23 times, so he wants to go. And since we are seeing each other and having a good time, he wants to go with me.
I really like this guy. Of course he's very different from me, which in a way is good, but we do differ on some important issues (politics Geo Bush versus anyone with a D in front of their name). But we've avoided serious conflict and I like him so much that I can cope with these things. After all look at those two famous political speech writer/campaign workers from opposite camps that are happily (we think) married, look at Shawn k-Lee and John Lee, definitely happily married and also differing in the same way, and there was another couple that popped into my mind but popped out now, I know it will come back. Besides, I'm not planning on marriage. Right now I'm just happy to be in such a good relationship. He's really generous, sweet, kind, thoughtful, sexy, a hottie, funny, and intelligent. It's just a blessing at this stage of life to get all of that in one package. So what if he's misguided in his politics. I can live with it.
I'm getting in pretty good shape, again at this stage in my life, and people are commenting on how I look. I think being in love has a lot to do with it; if you are happy it shows and makes you look better. I think how I feel has a lot to do with how I look.
I feel great, most of the time.
I believe that I'm going to have a job starting next year, even one that I'll be relatively happy at, and I think my life will move forward.
My relationship is planning future events, such as being glad that his swat trip to FBI headquarters has been changed from Valentine's day to another week. He's already assuming that we will be together and that he'd rather be with me than SWAT, LOL. thank goodness he prefers me to the police for the holiday :) I like that he's planning and assuming that we will be together. It makes me feel good.
Back to work on my story for the Pulse.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Well quite a lot to update since my last post, for all you avid readers out there :), following my every move, :) the most of important of which is my new job status, which is to say, no job status.
On April 28 15 of us were laid off, following a cut of five people around a month earlier and before that about 20 or so pre-press people from the third floor around Christmas time. It was a blow. It was foolish of me to believe management when they assured us there would be no more lay offs after the five went but when I got the summons to meet in the Kelly Building, I knew what it meant.
The Kelly Building massacre, led to FFT. Now instead of living the "WWTD" life of the newsroom, we are living the FFT life, albeit with a very low income from the unemployment office. Hey, I don't mean to look $268 a week in the face, but still . . .
The timing, what can I say about the timing? Every year when I've been kicked around by the management, it's always been in May or April, my birthday month, my mother's and daughter's months, too. Gee, thanks for the birthday present, uncle T.
But one piece of the timing is my dad's need for help so I've been available to help him get his house in order and undergo and recover from a procedure to monitor his pacemaker to hopefully give him more energy.
So far I've cleaned and painted what used to be my old bedroom and then cleaned out what used to be Pat's bedroom. That's the room where he tried to climb out of the window in his sleep after we had gone to see, oh shit, how can i forget the name, the movie where what's her name was possessed and priests attempted unsuccessful, yes The Exorcist!
That room was the worst; a bird has built a nest in the window between the screen and a pane of glass where it was rolled out because it's one of those windows that roll out, in those 50s style ranchers. The walls are filthy. I cleaned one of them and it still needs more work. I also vaccuumed the room but the carpet needs to be yanked out and replaced, which I can do later. Right now though we are getting the one room set up as a bedroom if and when he needs someone to stay with him. The other room will be a place to store stuff in a far more organized fashion then he had it so we can clear out the living room. The living room is daunting, just looking at it intimidates me. The middle room took two days of hauling out stuff to the garbage can and to my car for recycling, then cleaning what was left, washing one wall and the window, cleaning the floor, moving everything out to do that and then moving everything back in in neatly stacked piles. I'm going to have a yard sale next week and take a bunch of the stuff he doesn't want and put that in the yard sale. I'll call it an estate sale.
Then the goal is to set up the living room in a way he would want it so he can have his television and computer both in a way that is accessible and comfortable. That will take some time but we can get it done and if we do, then when i return to work, I'll worry less about him.
It's June and I need to get serious about job hunting. This will be the third time in my life that I've had a "sabbatical" and if it's not a stressful event, sabbitcals can be very fulfilling and beneficial. It's a time to do other things, learn some new skills, dabble in things you love doing that you might not have enough time for when you are working full time.
I've got my house in order and now I've been working on my yard and enjoying it. It's very satisfiying to do a project in the yard and then watch it grow.
It's also satisfying to accomplish things for my dad.
He keeps wanting me to hire bob and I don't want to but I guess it would be helpful for me. today, I don't have a lot of work to do. I've reached a stopping point. I just need to clean that window and try to close it or at least cover it to protect against loss of energy/ cooling or heating.
I really have more, interesting stuff to say but I have to stop now and leave the house. I will try to pick this up later this evening.
On April 28 15 of us were laid off, following a cut of five people around a month earlier and before that about 20 or so pre-press people from the third floor around Christmas time. It was a blow. It was foolish of me to believe management when they assured us there would be no more lay offs after the five went but when I got the summons to meet in the Kelly Building, I knew what it meant.
The Kelly Building massacre, led to FFT. Now instead of living the "WWTD" life of the newsroom, we are living the FFT life, albeit with a very low income from the unemployment office. Hey, I don't mean to look $268 a week in the face, but still . . .
The timing, what can I say about the timing? Every year when I've been kicked around by the management, it's always been in May or April, my birthday month, my mother's and daughter's months, too. Gee, thanks for the birthday present, uncle T.
But one piece of the timing is my dad's need for help so I've been available to help him get his house in order and undergo and recover from a procedure to monitor his pacemaker to hopefully give him more energy.
So far I've cleaned and painted what used to be my old bedroom and then cleaned out what used to be Pat's bedroom. That's the room where he tried to climb out of the window in his sleep after we had gone to see, oh shit, how can i forget the name, the movie where what's her name was possessed and priests attempted unsuccessful, yes The Exorcist!
That room was the worst; a bird has built a nest in the window between the screen and a pane of glass where it was rolled out because it's one of those windows that roll out, in those 50s style ranchers. The walls are filthy. I cleaned one of them and it still needs more work. I also vaccuumed the room but the carpet needs to be yanked out and replaced, which I can do later. Right now though we are getting the one room set up as a bedroom if and when he needs someone to stay with him. The other room will be a place to store stuff in a far more organized fashion then he had it so we can clear out the living room. The living room is daunting, just looking at it intimidates me. The middle room took two days of hauling out stuff to the garbage can and to my car for recycling, then cleaning what was left, washing one wall and the window, cleaning the floor, moving everything out to do that and then moving everything back in in neatly stacked piles. I'm going to have a yard sale next week and take a bunch of the stuff he doesn't want and put that in the yard sale. I'll call it an estate sale.
Then the goal is to set up the living room in a way he would want it so he can have his television and computer both in a way that is accessible and comfortable. That will take some time but we can get it done and if we do, then when i return to work, I'll worry less about him.
It's June and I need to get serious about job hunting. This will be the third time in my life that I've had a "sabbatical" and if it's not a stressful event, sabbitcals can be very fulfilling and beneficial. It's a time to do other things, learn some new skills, dabble in things you love doing that you might not have enough time for when you are working full time.
I've got my house in order and now I've been working on my yard and enjoying it. It's very satisfiying to do a project in the yard and then watch it grow.
It's also satisfying to accomplish things for my dad.
He keeps wanting me to hire bob and I don't want to but I guess it would be helpful for me. today, I don't have a lot of work to do. I've reached a stopping point. I just need to clean that window and try to close it or at least cover it to protect against loss of energy/ cooling or heating.
I really have more, interesting stuff to say but I have to stop now and leave the house. I will try to pick this up later this evening.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
May 12, 2009
This is one hell of an update, from February 09 to May 09, my how things change. I am no longer employed. One of 15 people cut from the newspaper, selected on the basis of . . . what? My age? my lack of popularity with the little big guy? Higher pay? All of the above, and others, I think.
But it's two weeks today that I got the news along with other co-workers, all of whom were like me, older and higher paid, and several, like me, on the little guy's list. It was his chance to get rid of the people he didn't like and he took it.
But it's been an opportunity, almost like having a funeral only without dying to find out what other people think about me and it's been really great, most of it, anyway (the people who would spit on your grave probably wouldn't tell you so to your face, thus not hearing from them.). But I feel like Sally Fields
"you like me, you really like me!!!" :)
This is also like going through the seven or five stages of grief, whatever the number is, and I can't remember them all but I'm in the first few, which are denial and disbelief. Every time I talk about this I picture the scene from All That Jazz, when the lead role is editing his movie and it's on this comedian who is doing this stitch based on those stages. He tells who wrote them, Elizabeth Kubler Ross I believe, and then goes through them several times, and adds comic bits to each one, like the one called bargaining, he has his guy making deals with god if he doesn't die. I think bargaingin comes just before acceptance.
But I can't remember them all, I know I could blog them but I'm not ready to write specifically about each one and relate it to what I am going through. Plus Elphaba is sitting in front of th emonitor and I can't see what I am writing. Good typing practice, I guess. I think Iwll go to the living room so she will follow me and then go to sleep on the couch (her, not me)
This is one hell of an update, from February 09 to May 09, my how things change. I am no longer employed. One of 15 people cut from the newspaper, selected on the basis of . . . what? My age? my lack of popularity with the little big guy? Higher pay? All of the above, and others, I think.
But it's two weeks today that I got the news along with other co-workers, all of whom were like me, older and higher paid, and several, like me, on the little guy's list. It was his chance to get rid of the people he didn't like and he took it.
But it's been an opportunity, almost like having a funeral only without dying to find out what other people think about me and it's been really great, most of it, anyway (the people who would spit on your grave probably wouldn't tell you so to your face, thus not hearing from them.). But I feel like Sally Fields
"you like me, you really like me!!!" :)
This is also like going through the seven or five stages of grief, whatever the number is, and I can't remember them all but I'm in the first few, which are denial and disbelief. Every time I talk about this I picture the scene from All That Jazz, when the lead role is editing his movie and it's on this comedian who is doing this stitch based on those stages. He tells who wrote them, Elizabeth Kubler Ross I believe, and then goes through them several times, and adds comic bits to each one, like the one called bargaining, he has his guy making deals with god if he doesn't die. I think bargaingin comes just before acceptance.
But I can't remember them all, I know I could blog them but I'm not ready to write specifically about each one and relate it to what I am going through. Plus Elphaba is sitting in front of th emonitor and I can't see what I am writing. Good typing practice, I guess. I think Iwll go to the living room so she will follow me and then go to sleep on the couch (her, not me)
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