December 5, 2009
Well as this year draws to a close it is preparing its exit by leaving a smile on my face and in my heart. Despite the setbacks, it's been a great year with blessings galore that I don't know would have been possible or perhaps I would not have been able to recognize them enough to appreciate them without going through the setbacks I've experienced.
It's all been personal, too. Nothing financial or material, although those things have come my way enough to allow me to live comfortably during my job search. But this has almost been a sabbatical. I've done some volunteer work, some professional writing and personal writing, started studying Spanish and spent more time improving my tech skills. I've gotten to spend meaningful time with family and friends. I'm in a personal relationship that has been full of surprises, laughter, passion and joy. It's one of the blessings that I might not have realized had I a full time job with the attendant stress that would have made it difficult for me to be thoughtful about the relationship and the person.
I've gotten to do some things and talk to some people about issues that previously I was restrained due to the nature of my profession. I still have opportunities in that regard which I think will be huge fun and really get me involved in my community and activism.
One of the greatest things was the two-week trip that my daughter and I took to Australia! OMG! It was super, stupendous, marvelous, wonderful, awesome, way cool! The two of us began to plan this trip around this time last year. Then when I was laid off in April 2008, I told my daughter that I probably should not spend that kind of money. She want away and then came back in about two weeks and said, "I can do this, mom, and I'm going to. There's no one else in the world that I would want to go to Australia with, much less, take, so I want to do this. You've done so much for me. I know you feel weird but just get over it."
It was great. We had so much fun together, as we usually do when we travel. There were a few tense moments but we worked them out, another great part of our relationship; we can work out stuff.
She fell in love with the place and is exploring the possibility of returning there to work as a nurse. She just loved Carins and while I would miss the hell out of her, I guess if she goes, she goes. If she decides to stay, I'm going with her. but if she is just visiting or living for a short time, like six months maybe, I'll handle it and it would be a great reason to get back on a plane for another 15 hours (shout out to Klonopin sp? for helping me make the trip in an unconscious state).
Oddly enough, as broke as I am, I've done more traveling this year than I have in years, probably 20 years. I'm getting ready to go to Vegas at the end of the month for my second trip to that wild city. My "relationship," is taking me back. We had a great time together when we went in October and he wants to go back. He loves Vegas, has been 23 times, so he wants to go. And since we are seeing each other and having a good time, he wants to go with me.
I really like this guy. Of course he's very different from me, which in a way is good, but we do differ on some important issues (politics Geo Bush versus anyone with a D in front of their name). But we've avoided serious conflict and I like him so much that I can cope with these things. After all look at those two famous political speech writer/campaign workers from opposite camps that are happily (we think) married, look at Shawn k-Lee and John Lee, definitely happily married and also differing in the same way, and there was another couple that popped into my mind but popped out now, I know it will come back. Besides, I'm not planning on marriage. Right now I'm just happy to be in such a good relationship. He's really generous, sweet, kind, thoughtful, sexy, a hottie, funny, and intelligent. It's just a blessing at this stage of life to get all of that in one package. So what if he's misguided in his politics. I can live with it.
I'm getting in pretty good shape, again at this stage in my life, and people are commenting on how I look. I think being in love has a lot to do with it; if you are happy it shows and makes you look better. I think how I feel has a lot to do with how I look.
I feel great, most of the time.
I believe that I'm going to have a job starting next year, even one that I'll be relatively happy at, and I think my life will move forward.
My relationship is planning future events, such as being glad that his swat trip to FBI headquarters has been changed from Valentine's day to another week. He's already assuming that we will be together and that he'd rather be with me than SWAT, LOL. thank goodness he prefers me to the police for the holiday :) I like that he's planning and assuming that we will be together. It makes me feel good.
Back to work on my story for the Pulse.
Friday, December 04, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Well quite a lot to update since my last post, for all you avid readers out there :), following my every move, :) the most of important of which is my new job status, which is to say, no job status.
On April 28 15 of us were laid off, following a cut of five people around a month earlier and before that about 20 or so pre-press people from the third floor around Christmas time. It was a blow. It was foolish of me to believe management when they assured us there would be no more lay offs after the five went but when I got the summons to meet in the Kelly Building, I knew what it meant.
The Kelly Building massacre, led to FFT. Now instead of living the "WWTD" life of the newsroom, we are living the FFT life, albeit with a very low income from the unemployment office. Hey, I don't mean to look $268 a week in the face, but still . . .
The timing, what can I say about the timing? Every year when I've been kicked around by the management, it's always been in May or April, my birthday month, my mother's and daughter's months, too. Gee, thanks for the birthday present, uncle T.
But one piece of the timing is my dad's need for help so I've been available to help him get his house in order and undergo and recover from a procedure to monitor his pacemaker to hopefully give him more energy.
So far I've cleaned and painted what used to be my old bedroom and then cleaned out what used to be Pat's bedroom. That's the room where he tried to climb out of the window in his sleep after we had gone to see, oh shit, how can i forget the name, the movie where what's her name was possessed and priests attempted unsuccessful, yes The Exorcist!
That room was the worst; a bird has built a nest in the window between the screen and a pane of glass where it was rolled out because it's one of those windows that roll out, in those 50s style ranchers. The walls are filthy. I cleaned one of them and it still needs more work. I also vaccuumed the room but the carpet needs to be yanked out and replaced, which I can do later. Right now though we are getting the one room set up as a bedroom if and when he needs someone to stay with him. The other room will be a place to store stuff in a far more organized fashion then he had it so we can clear out the living room. The living room is daunting, just looking at it intimidates me. The middle room took two days of hauling out stuff to the garbage can and to my car for recycling, then cleaning what was left, washing one wall and the window, cleaning the floor, moving everything out to do that and then moving everything back in in neatly stacked piles. I'm going to have a yard sale next week and take a bunch of the stuff he doesn't want and put that in the yard sale. I'll call it an estate sale.
Then the goal is to set up the living room in a way he would want it so he can have his television and computer both in a way that is accessible and comfortable. That will take some time but we can get it done and if we do, then when i return to work, I'll worry less about him.
It's June and I need to get serious about job hunting. This will be the third time in my life that I've had a "sabbatical" and if it's not a stressful event, sabbitcals can be very fulfilling and beneficial. It's a time to do other things, learn some new skills, dabble in things you love doing that you might not have enough time for when you are working full time.
I've got my house in order and now I've been working on my yard and enjoying it. It's very satisfiying to do a project in the yard and then watch it grow.
It's also satisfying to accomplish things for my dad.
He keeps wanting me to hire bob and I don't want to but I guess it would be helpful for me. today, I don't have a lot of work to do. I've reached a stopping point. I just need to clean that window and try to close it or at least cover it to protect against loss of energy/ cooling or heating.
I really have more, interesting stuff to say but I have to stop now and leave the house. I will try to pick this up later this evening.
On April 28 15 of us were laid off, following a cut of five people around a month earlier and before that about 20 or so pre-press people from the third floor around Christmas time. It was a blow. It was foolish of me to believe management when they assured us there would be no more lay offs after the five went but when I got the summons to meet in the Kelly Building, I knew what it meant.
The Kelly Building massacre, led to FFT. Now instead of living the "WWTD" life of the newsroom, we are living the FFT life, albeit with a very low income from the unemployment office. Hey, I don't mean to look $268 a week in the face, but still . . .
The timing, what can I say about the timing? Every year when I've been kicked around by the management, it's always been in May or April, my birthday month, my mother's and daughter's months, too. Gee, thanks for the birthday present, uncle T.
But one piece of the timing is my dad's need for help so I've been available to help him get his house in order and undergo and recover from a procedure to monitor his pacemaker to hopefully give him more energy.
So far I've cleaned and painted what used to be my old bedroom and then cleaned out what used to be Pat's bedroom. That's the room where he tried to climb out of the window in his sleep after we had gone to see, oh shit, how can i forget the name, the movie where what's her name was possessed and priests attempted unsuccessful, yes The Exorcist!
That room was the worst; a bird has built a nest in the window between the screen and a pane of glass where it was rolled out because it's one of those windows that roll out, in those 50s style ranchers. The walls are filthy. I cleaned one of them and it still needs more work. I also vaccuumed the room but the carpet needs to be yanked out and replaced, which I can do later. Right now though we are getting the one room set up as a bedroom if and when he needs someone to stay with him. The other room will be a place to store stuff in a far more organized fashion then he had it so we can clear out the living room. The living room is daunting, just looking at it intimidates me. The middle room took two days of hauling out stuff to the garbage can and to my car for recycling, then cleaning what was left, washing one wall and the window, cleaning the floor, moving everything out to do that and then moving everything back in in neatly stacked piles. I'm going to have a yard sale next week and take a bunch of the stuff he doesn't want and put that in the yard sale. I'll call it an estate sale.
Then the goal is to set up the living room in a way he would want it so he can have his television and computer both in a way that is accessible and comfortable. That will take some time but we can get it done and if we do, then when i return to work, I'll worry less about him.
It's June and I need to get serious about job hunting. This will be the third time in my life that I've had a "sabbatical" and if it's not a stressful event, sabbitcals can be very fulfilling and beneficial. It's a time to do other things, learn some new skills, dabble in things you love doing that you might not have enough time for when you are working full time.
I've got my house in order and now I've been working on my yard and enjoying it. It's very satisfiying to do a project in the yard and then watch it grow.
It's also satisfying to accomplish things for my dad.
He keeps wanting me to hire bob and I don't want to but I guess it would be helpful for me. today, I don't have a lot of work to do. I've reached a stopping point. I just need to clean that window and try to close it or at least cover it to protect against loss of energy/ cooling or heating.
I really have more, interesting stuff to say but I have to stop now and leave the house. I will try to pick this up later this evening.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
May 12, 2009
This is one hell of an update, from February 09 to May 09, my how things change. I am no longer employed. One of 15 people cut from the newspaper, selected on the basis of . . . what? My age? my lack of popularity with the little big guy? Higher pay? All of the above, and others, I think.
But it's two weeks today that I got the news along with other co-workers, all of whom were like me, older and higher paid, and several, like me, on the little guy's list. It was his chance to get rid of the people he didn't like and he took it.
But it's been an opportunity, almost like having a funeral only without dying to find out what other people think about me and it's been really great, most of it, anyway (the people who would spit on your grave probably wouldn't tell you so to your face, thus not hearing from them.). But I feel like Sally Fields
"you like me, you really like me!!!" :)
This is also like going through the seven or five stages of grief, whatever the number is, and I can't remember them all but I'm in the first few, which are denial and disbelief. Every time I talk about this I picture the scene from All That Jazz, when the lead role is editing his movie and it's on this comedian who is doing this stitch based on those stages. He tells who wrote them, Elizabeth Kubler Ross I believe, and then goes through them several times, and adds comic bits to each one, like the one called bargaining, he has his guy making deals with god if he doesn't die. I think bargaingin comes just before acceptance.
But I can't remember them all, I know I could blog them but I'm not ready to write specifically about each one and relate it to what I am going through. Plus Elphaba is sitting in front of th emonitor and I can't see what I am writing. Good typing practice, I guess. I think Iwll go to the living room so she will follow me and then go to sleep on the couch (her, not me)
This is one hell of an update, from February 09 to May 09, my how things change. I am no longer employed. One of 15 people cut from the newspaper, selected on the basis of . . . what? My age? my lack of popularity with the little big guy? Higher pay? All of the above, and others, I think.
But it's two weeks today that I got the news along with other co-workers, all of whom were like me, older and higher paid, and several, like me, on the little guy's list. It was his chance to get rid of the people he didn't like and he took it.
But it's been an opportunity, almost like having a funeral only without dying to find out what other people think about me and it's been really great, most of it, anyway (the people who would spit on your grave probably wouldn't tell you so to your face, thus not hearing from them.). But I feel like Sally Fields
"you like me, you really like me!!!" :)
This is also like going through the seven or five stages of grief, whatever the number is, and I can't remember them all but I'm in the first few, which are denial and disbelief. Every time I talk about this I picture the scene from All That Jazz, when the lead role is editing his movie and it's on this comedian who is doing this stitch based on those stages. He tells who wrote them, Elizabeth Kubler Ross I believe, and then goes through them several times, and adds comic bits to each one, like the one called bargaining, he has his guy making deals with god if he doesn't die. I think bargaingin comes just before acceptance.
But I can't remember them all, I know I could blog them but I'm not ready to write specifically about each one and relate it to what I am going through. Plus Elphaba is sitting in front of th emonitor and I can't see what I am writing. Good typing practice, I guess. I think Iwll go to the living room so she will follow me and then go to sleep on the couch (her, not me)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
When it comes to technology, I've always been a tool. When I finally decided I want to get aboard the free music train several years ago, I immediately started reading about the music industry's jack-booted thugs sending middle-aged mothers to jail for downloading (stealing in the music industry's parlance, boohoo, they weren't getting every penny of their gazillions of dollars they were making from churning out what passed as original, fresh music), which was enough to scare me away from investigating the kwanza or whatever those sites were. Plus they were loaded with viruses and no matter how many anti-virus programs I loaded on, no matter how many times I pressed the "update now," button, I inevitably got whatever, fucking bad, evil, gum up your computer to the tune of hundreds of dollars to get it fixed thing that was going around.
So this morning, I read in a local tech column advice to stay away from phone Internet because the scum of the earth, most foul hacker, spewer of poisons, have found a way, an easier, soft entry point to share their filth through your phone Internet. This, of course, after I spent about an hour last night, surfing the 'Net on my phone, four months after my daughter signed us up for the service. I even pushed myself to come up with topics to search so I could use the fucking phone to learn how to access the Internet on the fucking phone. Of course. My timing is imfuckingpecable. :)
February 17, 2009
So this morning, I read in a local tech column advice to stay away from phone Internet because the scum of the earth, most foul hacker, spewer of poisons, have found a way, an easier, soft entry point to share their filth through your phone Internet. This, of course, after I spent about an hour last night, surfing the 'Net on my phone, four months after my daughter signed us up for the service. I even pushed myself to come up with topics to search so I could use the fucking phone to learn how to access the Internet on the fucking phone. Of course. My timing is imfuckingpecable. :)
February 17, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A wintry mix. I love that term (sarcasm here). but that's what was coming down last night, Saturday night. The roads had black ice here and there and there was a little bit of slippage. But it was fairly early, 10:30 and I was headed home and only slightly buzzed (another phrase I "love," Buzzed driving is drunk driving. Why is that. I had had two 24 oz Buds, had a slight buzz but not at all drunk, not for me.) I was driving the speed limit or less and watching carefully. I was leaving ample space between the cars in front of me and me. I was thinking about how I would drive if the car started to slide, all things to avoid an accident.
And so, I survived another day. Another day to write in my blog, which I have not been writing in for some time.
But last year, around christmas, my computer's hard drive crashed and of course I had not backed up anything for several years. I lost photos, journal entries, audio entries, a couple of videos (I can get those back, those are the least important or valued, of course). So it's like getting a brand new computer and starting all over. Got to reload all my software, which I still have.
Things could be worse, much worse but it's still pretty bad. I'm sad about the writings and photos. Sigh. So, now that the horses are out, I'm going to lock the barn door. I'm going to back up regularly, once I get something on here to back up, and I bought a flash drive to load stuff on.
So I'm going to take this as a new effort, too. I'm going to be more diligent about writing on a regular basis, I'm going to create a web page, make a video to post on YouTube and on my Web page and advanced my knowledge about digital photography and start printing out stuff.
2009. It will be okay. It will be fine. :)
I've got a long list of resolutions but I've decided to take J's advice, this columnist from Arkansas, who I cannot stand but I did like the column about being resolute rather than resolving. Resolute is just being. It is. Resolutions mean you are going to. I understand the difference and the former works better for me because I get it. It instead of resolving to be better daughter or friend, I am just going to be a better daughter and friend.
Instead of planning to lose weight, I'm losing weight. :) I get it, so it's the only thing she's done that I consider worthwhile, well except when she was writing about when she was married and how she and her kids and the husband were working it out. when things when bad she kept those details to herself and ended up writing bland, boring columns. I understand wanting privacy but fuck that if you posit yourself as a columnist, or at least a life columnist. If it's technology or knitting or something, you can avoid the person, or add the occasional anecdote. But if you are writing a life column then you by God have to write about your life. And when she and Andy divorced, I didn't even see it coming and they were pretty much divorced before she just kinda mentioned it offhandedly. she had switched to writing these self improvement bull shit things, which are okay every now and then but otherwise, fuck that drivel and I don't want to listen to it. So I generally don't read her except if she talks about a specific book or person who is a guru in the self help world.
But back to me and 2009. My daughter wants to go to Australia this year. OMG 28 hours on an airplane. But the one thing I've always been able to do is stand up to whatever she wanted. That's one reason I'm having a hard time is because she's an adult and has her own life and mine is empty. It's not her fault, I should stop this feeling sorry for myself, she would be mad at me if she knew how I felt. So another reason I want to get myself a purpose is so she won't have to worry about me or be disappointed in me. Hey, she's been my inspiration since she was born, since she was a brown circle on the take home test. Ain't no shame in that.
Stay tuned.
And so, I survived another day. Another day to write in my blog, which I have not been writing in for some time.
But last year, around christmas, my computer's hard drive crashed and of course I had not backed up anything for several years. I lost photos, journal entries, audio entries, a couple of videos (I can get those back, those are the least important or valued, of course). So it's like getting a brand new computer and starting all over. Got to reload all my software, which I still have.
Things could be worse, much worse but it's still pretty bad. I'm sad about the writings and photos. Sigh. So, now that the horses are out, I'm going to lock the barn door. I'm going to back up regularly, once I get something on here to back up, and I bought a flash drive to load stuff on.
So I'm going to take this as a new effort, too. I'm going to be more diligent about writing on a regular basis, I'm going to create a web page, make a video to post on YouTube and on my Web page and advanced my knowledge about digital photography and start printing out stuff.
2009. It will be okay. It will be fine. :)
I've got a long list of resolutions but I've decided to take J's advice, this columnist from Arkansas, who I cannot stand but I did like the column about being resolute rather than resolving. Resolute is just being. It is. Resolutions mean you are going to. I understand the difference and the former works better for me because I get it. It instead of resolving to be better daughter or friend, I am just going to be a better daughter and friend.
Instead of planning to lose weight, I'm losing weight. :) I get it, so it's the only thing she's done that I consider worthwhile, well except when she was writing about when she was married and how she and her kids and the husband were working it out. when things when bad she kept those details to herself and ended up writing bland, boring columns. I understand wanting privacy but fuck that if you posit yourself as a columnist, or at least a life columnist. If it's technology or knitting or something, you can avoid the person, or add the occasional anecdote. But if you are writing a life column then you by God have to write about your life. And when she and Andy divorced, I didn't even see it coming and they were pretty much divorced before she just kinda mentioned it offhandedly. she had switched to writing these self improvement bull shit things, which are okay every now and then but otherwise, fuck that drivel and I don't want to listen to it. So I generally don't read her except if she talks about a specific book or person who is a guru in the self help world.
But back to me and 2009. My daughter wants to go to Australia this year. OMG 28 hours on an airplane. But the one thing I've always been able to do is stand up to whatever she wanted. That's one reason I'm having a hard time is because she's an adult and has her own life and mine is empty. It's not her fault, I should stop this feeling sorry for myself, she would be mad at me if she knew how I felt. So another reason I want to get myself a purpose is so she won't have to worry about me or be disappointed in me. Hey, she's been my inspiration since she was born, since she was a brown circle on the take home test. Ain't no shame in that.
Stay tuned.
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