I have wished my daughter wasn’t gay, for several reasons, some of them selfish, totally. I wanted the “normal,” future, she meets a guy, they marry, have kids and make me a grandma and her really happy.
That’s not exactly what is going to happen, only she has promised me I will have grandchildren: I really, really, really want grandchildren and if my daughter’s partner is as good of a person as my daughter is, then all will be well and those will be some lucky kids.
But one of the biggest reasons I wish my daughter wasn’t gay is the most recent example, of that poor young man who jumped from the George Washington Bridge after his roommate and his roommate’s female friend, posted on the Internet a video of him having sex with another man.
First just let me say how grateful I am that my daughter is not like that roommate or his friend. I would be far more distressed if I had a daughter who thought it was cool to humiliate, degrade, torture and bully another human being; one who had done nothing to them at all, nothing to merit their dislike or their attitude that he was less than a human being, just for being different from her.
Thank God my daughter is not like those kids. I’d far rather have a gay daughter who is compassionate, kind, sincere, considerate, loving and sensitive than a hater like those two. Now that would break my heart. It would be similar to how some of those mothers’ whose children kill people, sell drugs, rob people, burglarize businesses and homes, must feel.
I know my daughter, she’s pretty strong and she’s older so she’s not as likely to fall prey to what this young man did. She’s already come out to the people who matter most to her, so it’s not like she’s prey to being “outted” before she’s ready.
But this type of hate crime can do so much damage to young people. Tyler Clementi is an extreme example: he killed himself. But I wonder if more damage is actually done to those who do not kill themselves. I know Tyler’s family would disagree with me and I understand. But whom I’m thinking of are those young people who carry that pain, rejection and hurt around with them. How does that affect them and their ability to grow into healthy, adjusted adults? It’s hard enough being gay, even in this day and age without someone sowing the seeds of self-hate into gay young people. What will become of them in their struggle to find their place in this world, something we all go through, only as the straight ones – kind of like white people in the day – have a leg up with their sometimes subconscious belief that they are okay, superior even to those who are not like them. Whites who got the jobs over blacks because their dads were frat brothers or just because the manager doesn’t like black people. Never was that stuff said aloud but it is how people lie to themselves to avoid confronting the truth of it.
There is so much going on the world, starving children, war, poverty and here in America, the worst recession since the Great Depression. We have people out of work losing their homes and their health because of lack a job with health care. People are losing their way of life; they are losing their belief in their right to live because they do not have a job, which for most is what identified them as who they were.
And in the midst of all this, we are fixated on who is sleeping with whom, in the privacy of their own bedrooms? Maybe that’s why people are obsessed with that stuff, to keep them from thinking about their own problems.
But come on, isn’t that what America is about? Isn’t that what people (gay people, too) died for? So that Americans can live their lives the way they think they should live it, and their privacy to do so remain sacrosanct?
I shake my head and shed a tear.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
September 8, 2010
Well, well, well. A glance over the last entry certainly makes the contrast of this one really striking. So positive, I was writing in green the last time and now I'm so weighed down by family matters that I chose purple to keep from being too black.
My father had gone crazy and I was trying to help him and his "Anna Nicole," a 50-years younger "driver," called his sister and has his family turned against me. I've been a member of the family for more than 50 years, my dad's sisters met this girl one time, and suddenly, I'm the evil daughter trying to hurt my father. I truly don't get it. I have cared for him without compensation, didn't ask for it, didn't want it, and Anna Nicole, all while claiming to be caring for my dad like a granddaughter, was bilking him of money, playing on his new found feelings for her; he's 85 and he told me she woke him up sexually for the first time in 30 years, so she was getting around $5,000 a month for working three days a week, she's the one they back. But oddly enough, by backing her, they got into his will. By backing me, he had left them entirely out of his will. Coincidence? In the last 10 plus years, the sisters have come up once a year about every other year. I slept in chairs setting up at the hospital after my father had arterior gram and pace maker insert. they didn't come up to visit him.
Money does make people do strange things. Anna Nicole swears she did not have relations with my dad. he swears that they did.
she has a boyfriend. she's bold as brass, taking (my dad's) money, telling me one thing, him another. she manipulated him into buying a brand new $54,000 BMW, he hasn't driven in five years, he's blind. he believes her and she knows it. it's like Larry from work. He laughed at the boss behind his back, knowing full well the rest of us were too afraid to tell the truth and if we did, the boss wouldn't believe us, he'd believe larry. some people are too smart for their own good.
Anyway, I've filed a legal claim to manage dad's affairs. But before I even did that, Anna nicole talked him into writing a new will, completely cutting me out, leaving rachael $12,000, and dividing the rest of it between her and the sisters. Martha knew that, and that she had been made executor of the will when she was talking to me about the whole situation last Sunday. Talking about family, trust and honesty and she's sitting there, lying to my face. And her husband is a preacher, she's a big church goer. Isn't that always the way it is?
Well, well, well. A glance over the last entry certainly makes the contrast of this one really striking. So positive, I was writing in green the last time and now I'm so weighed down by family matters that I chose purple to keep from being too black.
My father had gone crazy and I was trying to help him and his "Anna Nicole," a 50-years younger "driver," called his sister and has his family turned against me. I've been a member of the family for more than 50 years, my dad's sisters met this girl one time, and suddenly, I'm the evil daughter trying to hurt my father. I truly don't get it. I have cared for him without compensation, didn't ask for it, didn't want it, and Anna Nicole, all while claiming to be caring for my dad like a granddaughter, was bilking him of money, playing on his new found feelings for her; he's 85 and he told me she woke him up sexually for the first time in 30 years, so she was getting around $5,000 a month for working three days a week, she's the one they back. But oddly enough, by backing her, they got into his will. By backing me, he had left them entirely out of his will. Coincidence? In the last 10 plus years, the sisters have come up once a year about every other year. I slept in chairs setting up at the hospital after my father had arterior gram and pace maker insert. they didn't come up to visit him.
Money does make people do strange things. Anna Nicole swears she did not have relations with my dad. he swears that they did.
she has a boyfriend. she's bold as brass, taking (my dad's) money, telling me one thing, him another. she manipulated him into buying a brand new $54,000 BMW, he hasn't driven in five years, he's blind. he believes her and she knows it. it's like Larry from work. He laughed at the boss behind his back, knowing full well the rest of us were too afraid to tell the truth and if we did, the boss wouldn't believe us, he'd believe larry. some people are too smart for their own good.
Anyway, I've filed a legal claim to manage dad's affairs. But before I even did that, Anna nicole talked him into writing a new will, completely cutting me out, leaving rachael $12,000, and dividing the rest of it between her and the sisters. Martha knew that, and that she had been made executor of the will when she was talking to me about the whole situation last Sunday. Talking about family, trust and honesty and she's sitting there, lying to my face. And her husband is a preacher, she's a big church goer. Isn't that always the way it is?
Friday, July 09, 2010
I'm doing something positive today so I selected green as my font color. Green is the new word that means "cool," phat, bitching, and there are more updated terms that I cannot recall and I don't want to wait for my brain to search the files and retrieve them. Sadly, the search engine operating my file system has slowed considerably and I don't think any amount of defragging is going to fix it. So live with it, I will.
I'm working to get a widget on my blog that will allow people to post problems they see around the North Chattanooga neighborhood. Those will then be sent to appropriate city folks and we'll see what kind of response happens.
I haven't blogged in a while, I've been writing in my offline journal because it's been stuff I haven't wanted to share with my ones of ones readers. I just read an article on AOL this morning about protecting my privacy and I had to scoff. One, I've been searching the Internet to find out info about these stranger women my elderly, blind and deaf father has been letting in his home, unbeknownst to me until recently. And I cannot find crap about any of the women whose names I enter. Some i know are legit names, others not so sure about. But I find it ironic that all this hulaboo about so much info available on the net and I can't find it. My boyfriend says it's operator error and that always pisses me off, for sure.
Speaking of boyfriends. We've passed the one year mark and nothing much really happened. He gave me a hard time because as the female I'm supposed to remember all that stuff about the first date and such. Guess I'm not too sentimental.
Unlike his last girl friend, who they apparently sent each other anniversary cards and Easter cards and flag day cards and god knows what other calendar event. Hallmark probably lowered its flag to half mast when that couple broke up. :)
He took me to meet his mother's side of the family on July 4. Apparently this is was a big deal, and this week we are going to an event for the dad's side of the family. I've met them, at a thanksgiving event last November.
Our first rough spot had to do with the ex, apparently they cut their fingers, and become blood brother/sister and swore pinky swore to be best friends for life when they broke up. I'm surprised she didn't make him wear those half heart necklaces that friends wear (maybe lovers too) to show that they are not whole without each other. Oh by the way, she's 31 now. I know readers, all zero of you, must have been thinking she was 16. (I think she might have been when he met her.)
But she didn't know he was dating and he didn't want to let her know, he thought she might hurt herself if she found it out. For a while there, it felt like we were sneaking around on her!
But I finally pitched such a fit and face book helped me, and she found out. and lord, lord, she cried, she made this dramatic speech about how she wanted to come visit the dogs they had together and then she had a letter she would leave for him, he didn't need to be there. Of course, that freaked him, and it got taken care of. But then she kept texting him, randomly, about things like what should I mix my whey protein with, water or milk? Or, she has coupons for pet food, what does he want her to do with them? (I know what I want her do with them) she sent a text wanting her computer and printer back, then a suitcase, then would he feed her animals when she was out of town, then getting mad when he told her his new girlfriend is not down with the ex calling and sending texts so much. She flips out, saying he if can't stand up for their friendship, she doesn't need him in her life and she's coming to get all the shit she has left in his house, and there is a shit load of it, been there going on two years! He may be getting over her, in fact I think he's over her, just not the relationship. I told him I didn't want to be the rebound girl and he assured me I wasn't. But I'm thinking I'm the rebound relationship. He's thinking about relationships, what he wants from them, yada, yada, so I guess I'm the "practice run."
And that kind of hurts. I did ask him about this at the beginning, he assured me no. I allowed my feelings for him to grow and now here I am, a year in with a guy I"m crazy about but who's not so sure about me.
I gotta remember the old song, "I'm gonna harden my heart, I"m gonna swallow my tears."
keep that motto in mind.
but i am digressing about the original reason to start this post. I'm putting a link to lead to a site to report problems in north chatt, like dumping of trash, abandoned cars, stuff like that. we'll see how it works!
I'm working to get a widget on my blog that will allow people to post problems they see around the North Chattanooga neighborhood. Those will then be sent to appropriate city folks and we'll see what kind of response happens.
I haven't blogged in a while, I've been writing in my offline journal because it's been stuff I haven't wanted to share with my ones of ones readers. I just read an article on AOL this morning about protecting my privacy and I had to scoff. One, I've been searching the Internet to find out info about these stranger women my elderly, blind and deaf father has been letting in his home, unbeknownst to me until recently. And I cannot find crap about any of the women whose names I enter. Some i know are legit names, others not so sure about. But I find it ironic that all this hulaboo about so much info available on the net and I can't find it. My boyfriend says it's operator error and that always pisses me off, for sure.
Speaking of boyfriends. We've passed the one year mark and nothing much really happened. He gave me a hard time because as the female I'm supposed to remember all that stuff about the first date and such. Guess I'm not too sentimental.
Unlike his last girl friend, who they apparently sent each other anniversary cards and Easter cards and flag day cards and god knows what other calendar event. Hallmark probably lowered its flag to half mast when that couple broke up. :)
He took me to meet his mother's side of the family on July 4. Apparently this is was a big deal, and this week we are going to an event for the dad's side of the family. I've met them, at a thanksgiving event last November.
Our first rough spot had to do with the ex, apparently they cut their fingers, and become blood brother/sister and swore pinky swore to be best friends for life when they broke up. I'm surprised she didn't make him wear those half heart necklaces that friends wear (maybe lovers too) to show that they are not whole without each other. Oh by the way, she's 31 now. I know readers, all zero of you, must have been thinking she was 16. (I think she might have been when he met her.)
But she didn't know he was dating and he didn't want to let her know, he thought she might hurt herself if she found it out. For a while there, it felt like we were sneaking around on her!
But I finally pitched such a fit and face book helped me, and she found out. and lord, lord, she cried, she made this dramatic speech about how she wanted to come visit the dogs they had together and then she had a letter she would leave for him, he didn't need to be there. Of course, that freaked him, and it got taken care of. But then she kept texting him, randomly, about things like what should I mix my whey protein with, water or milk? Or, she has coupons for pet food, what does he want her to do with them? (I know what I want her do with them) she sent a text wanting her computer and printer back, then a suitcase, then would he feed her animals when she was out of town, then getting mad when he told her his new girlfriend is not down with the ex calling and sending texts so much. She flips out, saying he if can't stand up for their friendship, she doesn't need him in her life and she's coming to get all the shit she has left in his house, and there is a shit load of it, been there going on two years! He may be getting over her, in fact I think he's over her, just not the relationship. I told him I didn't want to be the rebound girl and he assured me I wasn't. But I'm thinking I'm the rebound relationship. He's thinking about relationships, what he wants from them, yada, yada, so I guess I'm the "practice run."
And that kind of hurts. I did ask him about this at the beginning, he assured me no. I allowed my feelings for him to grow and now here I am, a year in with a guy I"m crazy about but who's not so sure about me.
I gotta remember the old song, "I'm gonna harden my heart, I"m gonna swallow my tears."
keep that motto in mind.
but i am digressing about the original reason to start this post. I'm putting a link to lead to a site to report problems in north chatt, like dumping of trash, abandoned cars, stuff like that. we'll see how it works!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Justified Official Website | Only on FX - Tuesdays 10
Justified Official Website | Only on FX - Tuesdays 10
My latest blog entry is a link to a TV show. Huh, fancy that. But I do fancy that hunk that plays u.s. marshal raylan givens, played by timothy olyphant, whew whee! that southern drawl, I'm from the south and I do love, bout as much as some outsiders do, that lanky frame, those long arms, cute little grin, cowboy hat and boots.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, my gosh, as Usher says.
Hadn't felt much like blogging cause I've been having a bumpy time with my true love and I didn't want the hairy details floating in the soupy web of the net. don't like baring my neck to the unknown.
It's been unseasonably cold here in this part of May in Chattanooga. It's May 10. Last weekend was Mother's day and my daughter's birthday. big weekend, didn't see my daughter. did hear from her and i did visit her on tuesday, so i guess, it's okay. I know she loves me, but i worry cause i know she doesn't come cause she starts drinking with her buds and then she doesn't want to shop up buzzed. can't say as I blame her.
But I"ll write more, after all, it ain't like I got something better to do. :)
Anyway, for all of my millions of fans out there, watch this show if you got the TV channel, if not, you must have a computer, so watch it there.
You're gonna love him, er, it!
My latest blog entry is a link to a TV show. Huh, fancy that. But I do fancy that hunk that plays u.s. marshal raylan givens, played by timothy olyphant, whew whee! that southern drawl, I'm from the south and I do love, bout as much as some outsiders do, that lanky frame, those long arms, cute little grin, cowboy hat and boots.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, my gosh, as Usher says.
Hadn't felt much like blogging cause I've been having a bumpy time with my true love and I didn't want the hairy details floating in the soupy web of the net. don't like baring my neck to the unknown.
It's been unseasonably cold here in this part of May in Chattanooga. It's May 10. Last weekend was Mother's day and my daughter's birthday. big weekend, didn't see my daughter. did hear from her and i did visit her on tuesday, so i guess, it's okay. I know she loves me, but i worry cause i know she doesn't come cause she starts drinking with her buds and then she doesn't want to shop up buzzed. can't say as I blame her.
But I"ll write more, after all, it ain't like I got something better to do. :)
Anyway, for all of my millions of fans out there, watch this show if you got the TV channel, if not, you must have a computer, so watch it there.
You're gonna love him, er, it!
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